Can you feel the love tonight?

Disclaimer: If you're male and you get offended easily and you're not going to want to be friends with us after you read this, then don't read it. Simple. Otherwise, please enjoy.

Naming no names, pointing no fingers - putting aside all prejudices and preconceptions about the male species - we've noticed a few things that don't quite add up about how boys act and speak and look and think. Some boys, at least.

So, girls, your hair is either too long or too short, too frizzy or too flat, too fancy or too simple. But make sure it's what guys like. Your body is either too skinny or too fat, too tall or too short, too busty or too flat, but again, make sure it's what guys like. Your face, well with that, there are only two options: cute or not so cute. But girls welcome ratings. So boys, please rate us. If you think that boys don't notice your fashion and style, they do, and more than you think. Take skinny jeans for example. Did you not know that they make your body look unproportional? Did you not know that they accentuate your butt? Did you not know that boys notice all of that? Especially the butt. Actually, we all know that guys notice butts. Also, did you not know that slightly sheer tops, even if you have something modest underneath, are not fashionable either? Nor are boots, unless you're wearing them with skirts. But by all means, do NOT tuck your pants into your boots. Don't wear shawls either. You might even be pushing it with a scarf.

What else...hmmm...if you're not as cute as the girl next to you, be sure to flirt with the hot guys you're around and make them feel awkward, although they will definitely feel flattered and you'll make their head swell to the size of a watermelon and they'll brag to their friends about how you flirted with them even though you're the 'not-so-cute one'.

Now for things you can actually control: facial hair - only eyebrows are allowed, hair color - make sure you find out what color hair the guy you're interested in likes and then dye your hair that color. It's all about conforming, people. Make sure the ratio between your hips and waist is what will attract guys. Make sure your eyes aren't too far apart. Make sure your teeth are proportional to your nose. Make sure your ears are the right distance from your forehead. If none of that's working for you, don't worry, there are doctors who are willing to fix it for a small fee.

To whatever females read this blog, some of you have been lucky enough to find a male type who is mature enough not to let all of this get in the way of how he sees the world. To all others, we believe there is still hope to find guys like that. In the meantime, maybe the critical boys who fit our description should take a good hard look at themselves in the mirror and realize that they are not all that they think they are and maybe, just maybe, they should not be so stinking picky and judgmental about girls. Wonder why you don't have a girlfriend or you're not married? We used to wonder that, too. But we're beginning to understand. You're waiting for the right girl. But, what makes you think that when that girl with the perfect proportions, perfect face, hair, smile, eyes, body - perfect everything comes along, what makes you think she'll want you? Hmmm...something to think about...

Guys, you know we think you're great. Just be nicer, okay? To those of you who try to be gentlemen, thanks. We appreciate it. You may think that girls are mean to each other, but we're genetically inclined to be protective of our gender when it's getting bashed.

Love, Rose and Holly

p.s. In other news, did you know that if you stick your ipod headphones into your nostrils and open your mouth, you can hear the music playing out of your mouth?