Seriously

Dear guy in my english class,

If you are indeed a guy and not a little boy, why did you wear your 12-year-old brother's pants to class today? Was it dark when you got dressed? Did your mom mix up your laundry? Or did you get lost in the kids section of the department store? When I look up from my book expecting to see the teacher and instead, get a full front seat view of your backside covered only by thin material (briefs? boxers?) as you get up and walk away, I wish I had my little brother's airsoft gun to teach you a lesson. As I watch your futile attempts to pull up your non-pants, I notice you have a belt also. Did you miss the lesson in kindergarten where they taught everyone that belts are supposed to go around your waste, not your upper thighs? To my surprise, you're able to pull your pants up a full two inches...and then you take a couple steps and they fall four. Oooh, come on. Didn't need to see that. At least your underwear is baby blue. Do us all a favor and wear PANTS to class next time. We analyze literature, not anatomy.

Thanks,
Rose