Talk about an upset

My name is Rosemary. My name has been Rosemary for the past 20 years of my life. Surprising, I know.

Last night, Holly and I and our awesome friends went to the Taste of Sandy at the SouthTown Expo Center to taste food from the best restaurants around the valley. Um...I would do that every night if I could. I really would. Texas Roadhouse rolls, sushi (which I did not eat), Chocolate Cottage chocolate covered grapes, Market Street Grill shrimp salad goodness, Mike's Pizza pizza, Sweet Tomatoes real strawberry lemonade (it really was real). Best dinner I've ever had for $5. Just pure luck that I happened upon it while surfing the World Wide Web.

While jaunting around testing the deliciousness, we naturally began discussing food. The Chipotle barbacoa meat was quite spicy and as I jumped up and down trying to calm the explosion in my mouth, someone asked, "Rose, you're not a spice girl?" There was laughter from everyone because of the obvious pun, but since I never really listened to the Spice Girls I was laughing because of a less obvious pun: the rosemary plant is a spice. My name is Rosemary (point of clarification).

As I'm laughing and explaining that rosemary is indeed a spice and how funny is that that he just asked me if I'm a spice girl, my other friend Eric says, "Rosemary is an herb, not a spice."

Okay, what now?

Eric: "Rosemary is an herb."

Me: "Um...no no, rosemary is a spice."

Eric: "No, I promise it's an herb because blah blah blah..."

We continue to argue, my reasonable point being that Rosemary has been my name for 20 years and wouldn't I know by now if my name were really not a spice when I've been telling people for 20 years that I'm a spice, and his point being that rosemary is an herb because it comes from the green parts of a plant like the leaves and stem, whereas a spice comes from the roots, bark and seeds of a plant. Completely illogical, I know. The nerve of some people.

Needless to say, we didn't settle the argument and agreed to disagree, although nearly everyone else sided with me on the issue. So just now I remembered the altercation and decided to use the wonderful World Wide Web to my advantage again. You'll never guess what I found. Type rosemary into the Google search engine. First thing that comes up - Wikipedia: Rosemary is a woody, perennial herb with fragrant evergreen needle-like leaves.

An HERB.

I feel like my whole life has been a lie. I feel cheated. And to all of you who have known me my whole life, why have you never told me the truth about my name? Why? Herbs are not as cool as spices. For one thing, they just sound wussier. For another thing...I've got nothing. But I'm upset, people. UPSET.

I for one don't think the rosemary plant smells all that great. But that was okay when it was a spice. It did it's own thing. You don't question a spice. An herb though...herbs are like those kids in school that you respect a lot, but don't hang out with cause they're too nerdy and they smell funny (Holly). But I can embrace it. As I've read up on the rosemary herb, I have discovered new vistas of wisdom. Shall I enlighten you? Okay.

Characteristics of the rosemary herb:

• native to Portugal and Spain, Mediterranean region
• known as the herb of remembrance
• symbolizes loyalty and friendship
• associated with weddings and funerals
• ancient medicine for rheumatism and gout
• pest control
• "Holy Herb" as dubbed by Christians
• historically used to treat flatulence, colds, headaches and gastrointestinal upsets
• been known to cause comas, spasms, vomiting, and pulmonary edema if too much is ingested
• believed to repel nightmares if placed under a pillow at night
• also repels witches

I guess those qualities are honorable enough. If you're ever having any, uh, bodily issues, just give me a call and I'll come beat away your headache. Also, I can protect you from witches, but that would be due to my prowess with a wand, not my herbness.

Anyway, my life has changed drastically in the last few minutes and I have doubts that it will ever be the same again. Discovering you're not who you thought you were is oddly unsettling. I now know what Harry felt when he found out he was magical. Except he got to go on and be a wizard. I get to go on and be an herb.

At least it's photogenic.